Maniac Cop (1988)

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There’s far too much plot development and far too little action in Maniac Cop. 

It is Maniac Cop’s amusing title that attracted me to the film, its tagline ‘You have the right to remain silent… forever’ also made me laugh, however William Lustig’s Maniac Cop is a classic example of all concept and no substance. A sixty-second trailer may draw you in, but the feature length production is pitifully executed.

The film opens with three murder sequences, all of which are amateurish and underwhelming. I wasn’t concerned, the film had only just begun, I was confident that it would soon shift a gear into gore hound territory; after all, the Blu-ray copy I watched was an Arrow Films release. This gear change unfortunately never happens, the filmmakers instead develop a dull, nonsensical thriller-mystery narrative rather than prove their ingenuity with corn syrup and gore. A Cormanesque producer should have economically stripped the script of generic narrative filler, emphasised its core high concept and employed Tom Savini, the highly talented and twisted SFX man responsible for the gore in films such as Dawn of the Dead (1978), Day of the Dead (1985), Friday the 13th (1980) and William Lustig’s earlier film Maniac (1980).

I can’t really be bothered to name characters or summarise plot, but I’ll try. The film opens with a young woman being chased by two hoodlums, she escapes the pair and approaches an ominous looking police officer, who, rather than serving and protecting her, strangles her to death. The film then follows Detective Frank McCrae (Tom Atkins), who believes the hoodlums’ claims that a police officer committed the crime, his evidence-bereft belief turning very quickly into adamancy based solely on his venerable cop’s instinct – this is of course all completely stupid. Bruce Campbell then turns up as Jack Forrest, a cop who is framed for the murders of the tabloid press dubbed ‘Maniac Cop’. The best performance of the film is delivered by Robert Z’Dar’s enormous jaw, it lends a palpable strength and menace to his character Matt Cordell. I am now too bored to continue writing this.

Believe it or not, William Lustig and Larry Cohen should have taken a leaf out of Troma’s book. I recently watched The Toxic Avenger, a film that, like the rest of Troma’s catalogue, tried its utmost to be completely camp and awful. Unlike the majority of Troma’s catalogue however, there are enough laughs and torrents of gore in The Toxic Avenger to make it something of a success. Maniac Cop on the other hand has no sense of humour, no excessive violence and no lashings of crass sexuality; it’s an utterly stillborn slasher film that leads its viewers through a grindingly banal narrative to a denouement that’s seriously amateurish. When the credits roll, you’ll be left wondering ‘…is that it?’

38%

The Loved Ones (2009)

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‘The Loved Ones’ is ultimately an exercise in frustration and indignation.

‘The Loved Ones’ is a well-made film, but it’s also hollow and nasty. It takes a developed, sympathetic character and subjects him to an array of torture and humiliation at the hands of Lola and ‘Daddy’, a vile father/daughter serial killing partnership.

The film drew significant parallels with ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, a film I like. The difference between the two is that ‘The Loved Ones’ is far crueler; the protracted scenes of humiliation and violence left me utterly indignant. ‘Chainsaw Massacre’ is also an iconic, genre defining piece of work; this film is merely one of its many imitators.

Tough films such as the fellow Australian horror ‘Wolf Creek’ serve as an endurance test; they’re full of tension, suspense and eventually unflinching brutality. They’re straightforward and not particularly good, but they do have a purpose, albeit a doubtful one. ‘The Loved Ones’ however is just overbearingly frustrating; how can anyone derive anything but negative emotion out of watching an innocent character being tied to a chair and tortured?

As I watched their exploits, I realised that Lola and ‘Daddy’ were such reprehensible characters that no come-uppance would be satisfying enough, my growing bloodlust would have only been satiated if I’d been able to jump into the frame and exact hyper-violent justice myself.

The effect the film had on me is clearly testament to the power of it. There’s no doubt that it’s taut, well made and well-acted, however ‘The Loved Ones’ is ultimately an exercise in frustration and indignation.

55%

Hard Candy (2005)

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The film’s tightly-wound tension is spoilt by another of Ellen Page’s irritating, arrogant performances and a variety of narrative issues and implausibilities

In every Ellen Page film I have seen, her character is an infuriatingly smug, precocious, androgynous pain in the arse, and ‘Hard Candy’ is no different. In fact, it’s worse, her painfully irritating screen presence is accentuated by her total dominance in the film, she’s even more unbearable than she was in the ironically titled ‘Super’. When I realised her performance was going in this familiar loathsome direction, I almost stopped watching it, but I found the strength to continue.

It started strongly, the first 20 minutes of ‘Hard Candy’ are genuinely creepy and unsettling, mostly because of the ambiguity of the situation. It’s also here that Ellen Page is actually very good, she’s natural and only adds to the tension, she can give likable performances after all. However, it swiftly descends into a stressful, frustrating ordeal of a film. My main problem with it was that throughout Hayley’s antagonisation of Jeff, he isn’t a confirmed paedophile or threat. Jeff is actually a character one can empathise with. He’s clearly morally dubious, he has crossed the line in his contact with Hayley, but he seems to realise this – ‘Look. I’ve been lonely, okay? And that makes me stupid, but I am not a paedophile.’ Is Jeff saying that as a way out? What were his intentions before things turned against him? I didn’t know, but his innocence seemed credible, which made the majority of the film seem to be unjustified, sadistic torture committed by an irrational, evil and maddeningly arrogant psychopath.

Another of the film’s problems is straightforward implausibility. 5ft 1 Ellen Page, who looks like she must weigh under 100lbs, somehow gets Patrick Wilson in all sorts of predicaments which are simply impossible. The film can just about convince us of her dexterity with rope, but not that she can support Wilson’s bodyweight to such a laughable extent. Though ‘Hard Candy’ is undeniably powerful and gripping, it is unfortunately spoilt by Ellen Page and narrative issues.

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