F (2010)

FNotice how the critics’ comments are entertainingly wrong.

This banal, remarkably unfrightening film seems to have been made with a GCSE Media Studies text book.

‘F’ is interesting initially, however it descends into a woefully banal, generic and wholly unfrightening slasher flick. This film takes me back to watching my classmates’ Horror trailers in secondary school; it seems as if the film-makers consulted a GCSE Media Studies text book when attempting to construct tension, it’s tiringly clich├ęd and ineffective.

The film’s paper-thin, immature and utterly dumb plot makes me think that the crew also opened the text book when it came to narrative, which consists of a secondary school being raided by hooded assailants whom needlessly jump and climb around with such agility that they appear to have either been bitten by a radioactive spider or are just psychotic free runners – it’s all completely stupid.

Horror fans are presented with disappointing scenes that merely examine the resulting cadavers instead of displaying mobile blood and gore. While some of the make-up art is admittedly appropriately grisly, this approach is amateurish and suggests to the viewer that the filmmakers aren’t able to execute violence in motion.

Almost all of the characters are obnoxious and flat: the unreasonable, vindictive daughter; the cold, officious bitch of a boss; the overly sarcastic, rude little urchin of a security guard. They all add up to a slightly increased blood pressure; a testament to their acting credibility, perhaps. As I said, the film began strongly; it appeared to be a straightforward but compelling, resonating story about a middle- aged man struggling with the pressures of work and family after suffering what he considers an injustice, however it devolved into an amateurish rip-off.